Christmas is typically considered a joyful time to celebrate with loved ones. But for some, Christmas can bring up unpleasant feelings such as emptiness and sadness. Spending Christmas without loved ones is difficult, especially for those who have lost important people in their lives (including the many people who have lost loved ones over the past two years due to Covid-19). Feelings of grief may become more intense when confronted with missing faces and empty chairs at Christmas dinner. For the bereaved, instead of bringing joy, Christmas celebrations can serve as painful reminders of loved ones lost.
If you are grieving this holiday season the following ways can help you cope:
1. Allow yourself to feel sad
It’s perfectly fine to cry or feel down – it can be hard to pretend you’re happy and enjoying the celebration when you’re not. Forced happiness may make you struggle with your grief even more. Expressing your sadness through crying may instead help you heal from grief.
2. Allow yourself to be immersed in celebration
Allow yourself to experience unexpected joyous moments this Christmas. You might worry that some may think you are being disrespectful towards your lost loved one if you enjoy the holidays. But try to not feel bad or guilty if you find yourself immersed in celebration – your loved one would want you to move on with your life and experience happiness again.
3. Create a new tradition
When your grief is fresh, old traditions may bring up memories you shared with your loved one and intensify your sadness. Instead, try creating some new traditions. Creating a new tradition can help heal your grief – and it doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting your loved one or your old traditions together. Your loved one will always live on in your memories.
4. Honor your lost loved one
Hosting small mourning rituals to honour the person who passed away can help you express your deepest feelings and thoughts about them. This is a chance for you to develop a sense of closeness and feel connected with your loved one, despite them not being physically present. Rituals to honour your lost loved one on Christmas can include:
- Visiting your loved one’s grave or a place that they used to spend a lot of time at
- Lighting a candle
- Holding a moment of silence
- Writing any words left unsaid in a letter to your loved one.
- Placing a remembrance item on your Christmas tree
- Reminiscing over photo albums
- Singing your loved one’s favourite song
- Cooking your loved one’s favourite meal
5. Take a year off from celebrating Christmas
There is no right way to celebrate Christmas. If you are not prepared to celebrate Christmas this year, you don’t have to send out Christmas gifts or decorate a Christmas tree. Instead of celebrating Christmas how you usually do, spend the day in your own favourite and comfortable way. You can even plan a trip! Going on a trip and exploring new places can make you feel relaxed and excited, which can shift your attention away from grief.
6. Volunteering
If you are not ready for celebrating and you don’t want to spend the day alone, volunteering during Christmas might be a good idea for you. It can get you out of the house and socializing with others, rather than isolating yourself at home which can intensify feelings of grief. Doing volunteer work on Christmas day, you will be busy helping others, which can take your mind off your sadness.
7. Seek social support
When you are overwhelmed by feelings of loss, share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust. This can be your close friend, a family member, or a colleague who will listen to you and support you. They may not provide an effective solution to resolving your grief, but talking it out can relieve some of the pain and alleviate negative emotions.
8. Reach out to professionals
You are not alone. If you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can reach out to professionals such as counsellors or psychologists. Professionals can create a personalized treatment plan based on your needs and help you get through the bereavement process systematically. Bear in mind that reaching out to professionals is not a sign of weaknesses – it is a sign that you recognise your issues and have a strong desire to change to live a better quality life.
“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss.
The second is the remaking the life” – Annie Roiphe