The Lunar New Year season is meant to be a time of joy, with celebrations, red envelopes, gifts, and quality family time. Unfortunately, for many people, it’s instead a time of anxiety, disappointment or loneliness. For those who have recently lost a loved one or who have strained relationships with their family members, Lunar New Year can intensify feelings of grief and sadness. Some others experience feelings of isolation, financial pressures or increased family conflict that can make this a very stressful time of year.
Because of the Covid-19 pandemic, those who usually enjoy the holidays are now faced with the loss of many of the traditions, rituals and celebrations that come with their favourite season. There may also be some people who aren’t typically into the holidays, but who were looking forward to reuniting with family and friends after long periods of separation or to getting a much-needed break from a stressful work-life grind. With all of the disruptions over the past year, we want more than anything for our holidays to approximate some degree of normalcy and to restore our sense of how life should be. This may not be possible given the current climate, and this reality can lead to feelings of sadness and frustration.
With the continued spread of COVID-19, enforced social isolation is likely to be exacerbating what is already a significant issue in our society. Social isolation has been linked to cognitive impairment, reduced immunity, increased risk of cardiovascular disease, and, ultimately, increased risk of death. Social isolation breeds loneliness, which is associated with feelings of emptiness, sadness, and shame, alongside the subjective perception that one is disconnected from others.
What loneliness feels and looks like can be unique to each of us. Lonely people can experience fatigue, anxiety, tension, sadness, or frustration. Some report procrastinating more, having no initiative or drive, finding it harder to make decisions, or having less patience with others. Loneliness can also make people feel “empty” and significantly decrease self-confidence. It can also decrease feelings of joy, which results in anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure in things that you typically find pleasurable. Loneliness can also cause physical symptoms, such as headaches, tight muscles, the feeling of a knot in your stomach, or an increase in using excessive food, alcohol or drugs to cope with difficult feelings.
Dealing with Lunar New Year Blues and Loneliness:
Remember that you are not alone in your feelings. Remind yourself that despite what your social media feed may be telling you, you aren’t the only one struggling through Lunar New Year. Most people struggle with some form of the holiday blues, even during non-Covid times! Talk to someone. Often, we feel ashamed telling others, because it feels inappropriate to be sad when you’re supposed to be feeling holiday joy. But talking with someone about feeling down at this time can be an easy way to make yourself feel better! You will likely find that others around you actually share some of your less-than-joyful feelings and talking about this together can make you both feel less lonely.
Plan ahead and be kind to yourself. Develop a plan in advance to avoid feeling depressed or stressed on the day. If being alone on Lunar New Year is unavoidable, plan a day for yourself. While it may not be a magic solution for dealing with loneliness, taking extra care of yourself can help you feel better and actually enjoy your solitude. Whether you take a relaxing bath and pamper yourself with some spa treatments, curl up with a good book, indulge in a movie marathon, enjoy a favourite hobby, or learn something new, doing something for yourself is a form of self-care that is especially important during difficult times. Taking time to do things that will enhance your self-esteem or at least give you a good dose of fun will not only take your focus off of feeling alone but can lift your spirits as well.
Connect with friends and family. Even if you’re separated by distance or it’s unsafe to meet due to Covid in your area, you can stay in touch with loved ones online or by phone. Host or join a virtual Lunar New Year by setting up a WeChat chatroom or Facebook group. People can drop in and out as they please, and you don’t have to cook, clean, or even get off the couch. Being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.
Plan an Orphan Lunar New Year. Remember that families come in different forms. Your “family” doesn’t solely consist of people who are biologically or otherwise related to you. They can be your friends who value and understand you, and with whom you spend important moments. Spend time (either virtually or in person, if that’s a safe option) with the people who mean the most to you. Plan an Orphan Lunar New Year for those who have no one to spend the holiday with or join a group of people in similar circumstances. If you feel anxious about reaching out, consider that other people who are alone on Lunar New Year may feel isolated, lonely, and nervous to call on you, too.
If you do decide to gather with others in person this year, be mindful of the Covid restrictions for gatherings. Remember that alcohol or drugs may alter your judgment and make it less likely you’ll follow safety guidelines (and exacerbate your symptoms if you’ve struggling with mental health difficulties).
Don’t be afraid of changing your mind. Perhaps you are alone this year because you turned down invitations. This is often a problem for those with social anxiety—you turn down invitations only to regret it and feel lonely afterward. Know that it’s OK to call those people back and say “yes” after all. Your friends and family will be delighted to have you join in the celebrations!
Attend community events. Find out what’s on locally to celebrate Lunar New Year and get involved. Whether it’s going to local markets to get some traditional treats or watching fireworks with others in your community, getting out and about can help relieve loneliness.
Reimagine Lunar New Year. Instead of stressing over a preconceived notion of what you think the holiday should be, focus instead on making it what you want it to be: a low-stress, enjoyable experience. Recognize that trying to create a perfect holiday can be incredibly stressful and it may not even be what you enjoy the most. This is your chance to create your own holiday traditions that are meaningful and enjoyable to you. Sometimes, it’s easiest to start with some simple questions: What brings you joy? What would your ideal day look like? How can you create a day that incorporates as much of these as possible?
Some people get anxious at Lunar New Year because of the excessive commercialisation of the season, with the focus on gifts, red packet money, and the emphasis on “perfect” social activities. Others may feel stressed because Lunar New Year can trigger excessive self-reflection and rumination about our inadequacies, especially in comparison to other people who appear to have more, do more or achieve more. If you feel anxious about spending too much on gifts and incurring increasing debt, remember that the holidays are, at the heart, about connection! If you don’t have a lot of money to spend, consider showing your loved ones you care by doing something nice for them – offer to babysit, bake a cake, call them more often.
Cultivate gratitude and find the silver lining. Cultivating gratitude relies on our ability to see the positives, even in very difficult situations. The focus is on finding the benefits, appreciating what is good, and being grateful for small blessings. People with a grateful mindset acknowledge that they are more fortunate than many others during this festive season. If you’re feeling lonely over Lunar New Year, make a concerted effort to focus on the love that you DO have—from friends, family, neighbours, and even pets. You can also focus on things you really value in your life like your work, hobbies, or even your potential. Maintaining a gratitude journal can be a wonderful exercise in cultivating an attitude of gratitude. Better still, it can leave you with a written record of everything you have to value in your life to read through when you’re feeling down. The positive thing about this approach is that people are able to focus on the few advantages and opportunities that are available to them, rather than being overwhelmed by all the negative aspects of the situation.
If You’re Having Difficulty Coping:
If you’re feeling really down about being alone on Lunar New Year and can’t pull yourself out of it, reach out for help. There is a difference between the holiday blues, which are often temporary and go away once the season ends, and more serious conditions such as depression and anxiety. If the holiday blues seem to linger or become more intense, you may want to seek help from a mental health professional.
To access the interview in Mandarin, please refer to SBS Chinese Australia website: https://www.sbs.com.au/chinese/mandarin/zh-hans/audio/psychologist-advice-on-how-to-take-care-of-your-mind-during-lunar-new-year-as-many-cannot-see-families
Here at Mind Health Collective, our experienced bilingual clinical psychologists are committed and ready to support your mental health and well-being. Please contact us at: info@mindhealthcollective.com or (046) 666 5144.