Written by Michelle Chow, Provisional Psychologist.
As a parent, it is challenging to see your child struggle with anxiety. You might find yourself worrying about them falling behind, feeling confused about whether their anxiety is “normal”, and if not, what you should be doing to help.
When does anxiety become a problem?
The reality is that everyone will feel anxious from time to time. In fact, anxiety can help us prepare for danger. Having fears is a normal part of life, and your fears depend largely on how old you are. For example, six-to-nine-month old’s usually fear separating from their caregivers. As a child grows up, they become more aware of other children and become self-conscious. Research shows worries about how their friends think of them peak in mid-adolescence – which is likely what your teenager is going through right now.
Anxiety becomes a ‘problem’ for your teenager when their anxiety becomes a problem for them. For example, does it cause them to become distressed? Stop them from doing things they would otherwise enjoy? Prevent them from reaching their potential in class, sports, and connecting with others? If so, you and your teenager will benefit from learning more about anxiety and how to overcome it.
What does anxiety do to my child?
We feel anxious when we think we’re in danger. This danger can range from being rejected by our friends and embarrassing ourselves in class, to being physically hurt. Anxiety can trigger our body to go into fight-or-flight mode, which is designed to protect us. For example, if you hike and see an angry bear, alarm bells would go off in your head and you would go into flight-or-flight mode. This starts up a series of physical and behavioural changes – it increases your adrenaline, your attention fixates on scanning for threats, and you can run away quicker than usual. When in flight-or-fight mode, your teenager can find it hard to think rationally or concentrate, because they are preoccupied with protecting themselves.
Signs that someone is in flight-or-fight mode include:
- Crying and withdrawing
- Outbursts of aggression and defiance
- Increased heart rate and breathing
- Tensed muscles – shoulders, jaw, neck
- ‘Butterflies’ in the stomach
- Sweatiness
When your teenager is anxious in fight-or-flight mode, they often try to avoid their fear. They may appear distraught, seek excessive reassurance from you, shut down and express anxious thoughts about themselves (“I might get hurt,” “I can’t cope”). They may refuse to go to school, meet new people or face new situations. Avoidance helps relieve anxiety in the short-term. In the long-term, however, avoidance maintains anxiety by decreasing your teenager’s confidence to cope. Unfortunately, young people can miss out on many things they enjoy because of anxiety. It can also negatively impact their self-esteem, school performance and relationships.
How can I help support my teenager?
Many teenagers experiencing anxiety can begin to wonder if there is something wrong with them. Unfortunately, frustrated reactions such as “just get over it”, are usually unhelpful. Instead, you can respond to your teenager’s anxiety by letting them know that you are there to support them, and if needed, encourage them to seek professional help.
Some ideas you can try:
- During very anxious, ‘fight-or-flight’ moments, help them calm down and feel safe: complete breathing exercises, reassure them that the anxiety will pass, and that they will be okay, model calmness by speaking gently and not raising your voice.
- Help them understand their fears: when your teenager has calmed down, talk about what it felt like in their mind and body, and validate their feelings. It can be helpful to identify what they are anxious about and what they can do to manage next time.
- Encourage them to gradually “face their fears”. Focus on recognising their efforts and attempts, rather than successful task completion.
- GPs, psychologists or school counsellors can help provide further support. By talking to a health professional, a treatment plan can be made to suit your teenager’s specific needs.
Anxiety is treatable, and early intervention can help your teenager manage anxiety so that it has less impact on their life.
If you have noticed that your teenager’s anxiety is getting in the way of reaching their potential, why not give us a call today? Here at Mind Health Collective, our team of highly skilled and well-experienced psychologists are here to help.